Choosing to be happy

It is a novel idea for many that we can choose to be happy or not to be happy. In fact, much of the self-help world is built upon helping people become happy through the general premise that we have the power to do so. Much of psychotherapy is about helping people become aware of their negative thoughts and patterns and making different choices that will lead them toward the life of happiness and contentment that they want.

Yet we are ever drawn to look to the external conditions of our lives for the catalysts that leads to happiness or misery. We feel happy because of content family relationships, healthy friendships, feeling valued at work and getting the recognition that we feel we deserve. When we feel happy, content or at peace, we may often be able to identify the external factors that have contributed to that state of being. On the other hand, when we feel depressed, anxious, angry, or gloomy, we can usually identify very easily the things in our lives that have brought us to such a low place. If only our lives were different, if my spouse were more loving, if my boss wasn't such a jerk, if I had gotten that promotion, etc., then we would be happy. In such thinking, we are helpless victims to the activities of those around us. Our happiness in this scenario would be determined by someone else's actions.

Luckily, our happiness is not determined by others. All we must do to be happy is just simply...... choose to be happy. Easier said than done, you say? I couldn't agree more. So let me offer a simply and easy to remember (and forget) insight: to remain content and at peace choose to stay in a state of gratitude. From your first moment of waking to your closing prayers at night and at every moment of awareness in between choose to have an attitude of gratitude. To be happy and content is to be grateful for one's life. Show me a person who is grateful for their lives and I'll show you a happy person.

Of course we run into obstacles all throughout the day that interfere with this process. We are grateful for our children right until the point we find ourselves becoming aggravated at something they have done (or won't do) and suddenly we are not feeling too grateful and not too happy either. All we must do, once we realize that we have left the land of gratefulness is to return to it. To often when we hit obstacles that threaten our contentment and our thoughts of gratefulness leave us, we spend the rest of the day feeling a little less joyful. The key here (and with most other things of this nature) is to stay in the present moment and return to your state of gratitude. This doesn't come easy for some of us, but practice improves the success rate at maximizing your moments of gratefulness. Learning to pray constantly, using the Jesus Prayer or other prayers, can be an important step to developing serenity without leaving the Christian tradition and importing mantras or tools from other traditions. Not that other faith traditions or religions don't have some things worth sharing, but there is plenty worth mining in our own ancient traditions. More on that another time.

As important the insight of gratitude is to developing a spirit of contentment, the central focus for us must be developing the awareness of choice. We all go through hardships and sufferings, trials and pains, work stress and relational difficulties, but how we respond to these trials is completely a matter of choice. Choice to believe that God sends you trials and suddenly that harassing supervisor becomes part of God's plan and the crap s/he gives you becomes fertilizer for God's movement in your life. When we choose to meet these moments with a mindset of gratitude the powers of the world lose their ability to wreck our spiritual peace. So as we continue on our pilgrim journey in life, let us be grateful travelers. Blessings,

Don't Stare at the Tree

There is an interesting phenomenon in the universe and in human behavior that follows us all of our natural lives and guides us into the hereafter. I think the first time we may most obviously encounter this is in early childhood. And we see it all the time on America's Funniest Home Videos. A small child is learning to ride a bike (or more often these days, a motorized toy) and takes off across an open yard on their own. In the center of the yard is a single tree. You know what happens next. Like the child is made of metal and the tree a tremendously powerful magnet, the child drives straight into the tree and crashes, while the nearby parent stands by helplessly with a look of horror. Usually the child is unharmed (for the most part), and capturing the moment on video could lead to the ten thousand dollar prize. Why does this happen? Simple. In an effort to avoid the tree, the one obstacle to be dealt with, the child stares at the tree. This intense concentration on what is to be avoided focuses all of the child's attention on the tree, and predictably the child drives directly into the tree. What the child should be told is to stare at the open yard and she/he will most likely be successful in reaching that destination.

As an adult I've done quite a bit of motorcycling and have found that cyclists talk about this important phenomen to teach riders how to navigate corners (curves). Never look at the ditch, they say, you'll end up there. Instead, train your eyes on the road ahead, as far into the curve as you can see, and your eyes will guide your motorcycle on your desired path. Whatever you do, don't stare at the tree.

So what is the spiritual application? After all, this is a spirituality blog. I think the spiritual lesson here is profound. By focusing on negative obstacles in our lives, we are drawn to them. They become powerful, and like massive magnets that activate with our attention, we are drawn towards them. We can't understand why the trees in our spiritual lives hit us head on, causing us to come crashing into the ground. I have seen this before with a person who had a heightened awareness of spiritual warfare. He saw his spiritual battle with the devil as a concrete reality but by focusing on the devil and his sabotage (his tree), he spent much less time proclaiming the power of Jesus and much more time talking about the devil. The devil was very active and powerful in this man's spiritual yard and his life was filled with negativity to prove it.

We often see this in people with chronic and/or episodic health problems. Once the disease is enflamed, it becomes a central focus of the person's life, drawing important and precious life energy away from recovery and healing as this tree of negativity saps the life of a positive and open path to freedom. In dealing with disease, the focus on wellness is paramount to quick and optimal recovery. Be aware of the tree, but aim for the open yard.

We routinely see this in persons with depression. Whether the focus is inward (the tree within, if you will), as it so often is, or on an external stressor ( the massive oak in front of your shaky bicycle), this focus on the negative force draws you to it, consuming mental energy and spiritual power that could better be used aiming for the sunshine. Depressed mood always improves as long as the focus is removed from self and is placed onto something positive. Don't shoot for the shade of the tree, but seek out the warm glow of the sun (did you get the pun? Of course you did.)

So as you continue on your spiritual journey, become aware of the lessons you probably learned around the age of 5. If you focus on your obstacle, you will drive straight into it. If you focus on the negative person in your life, the bad thing that happened, or other things that threaten to crash us, then we could potentially be consumed with negativity, depressed mood, anger, and unhappiness. In your spiritual life, focus on Jesus and find yourself filled with that on which your place your gaze.

So remember: Be aware of your trees, but aim for the open field.

Prayer service for nonviolent living at 5:30pm today

For any who are interested, there will be a prayer service for the victims of violent crimes and those who are executed on our behalf by the state on the steps of Sacred Heart Church at 5:30pm today. This can be a good opportunity to contemplate what we are called by Jesus to do and how well we respond to that call. I don't think we will ever value human life enough to stop abortions as long as we execute violent criminals. It is the ability to see the image of God in those who are condemned by those who call themselves Christians that will enable those who do not follow Jesus to be able to see God's image in the unborn. These things are not unrelated. So come spend a few minutes doing something the world cannot understand and contemplate what giving it all to Jesus Christ looks like.

Overcoming the addiction to activity

For a guy who professes to be a lover of contemplative spirituality, I sure do have a lot of activity in my life. Contemplative is just a way of saying, well, be still and experience God. There are other ways to explain it, but that will do for my purposes. And there is a whole lot more to it than just sitting still, but then again it doesn't, so that will do as well. But several years ago I was indeed a faithful practitioner of contemplative spirituality and I became very fond of practicing it. I became pretty fond of Thomas Merton and the Trappist monks too. The Trappist do a nice job of combining contemplative prayer with simplicity and manual labor.

There has been one big problem with my affection of sitting still and experiencing God: for the past 3 years I've been so busy I don't hardly take time to do it. Now don't judge me too harshly yet, I've got really good excuses. (I mean, reasons). You see, when I went back to graduate school full time and ended up continuing to work full time there just wasn't much time for sitting in stillness. Not that I didn't do some of it here and there, but I certainly had let it go as a daily activity in the name of mere survival. It won't always be this way I told myself, and I trudged on ahead, ever active and always on the move. All writing was school work and all reading school books. Sometimes in life you've got to do what it takes to break through to the next level.

Which brings me to my next problem: I graduated almost a year ago. At first it seemed that I was just having trouble switching gears and, well, there is just always so much to do. But here comes the evidence that I have a good ole American addiction to "doing"- I think I've created things to do. My mind creates projects faster than I can complete them, assuring me that I will never actually get caught up. Even though I may have gradually regained the ability to prayer the daily office and even spend some time in recreational spiritual reading, I am fully aware that I've grown accustomed to the constant activity. We Americans are known for attaching our self worth to our activities and I can see in my own identity my attachment to what I do and how it defines who I am. But in God's eyes I am valued because I am me, and the only thing I have to do to be loved is to sit in the nothingness of who I am before the great and loving God and bask in the warmth of his Son. So today, as I take time to sit and blog and journal and do those things I can't quite make myself slow down long enough to do, I will sit even when my feet say it's time to go. I'll make one less trip to the store and I'll do without for another day, just to create a moment of stillness and not movement. I won't take on the extra project which will lead me further away from time with family and time in prayer. It may mean I won't make as much money, it may mean that my ministry work won't be as grand, but hopefully it will mean that I can begin to soak in the only thing that ever was, this very moment, and this very day. So go and sit and listen and be. Just be.

On the killing of terrorists

There has been much talk about the killing of terrorists this past week and whether or not these things is compatible with Christian living. There is no evidence that I have seen that Jesus Christ would condone the killing of our enemies. Yet we find ourselves in a system protected by people who kill on our behalf. And this is the reason I have not spoken out my position on the Osama affair. Lean close so I don't have to say this loud. I would kill to protect my children. It's true. I'm not sure what Jesus would say about that. Perhaps I would get off the hook for protecting the vunerable people whom God has entrusted to my care. I hope so. And for this reason my judgement of the military's response is seasoned. These things are done on my behalf. Does killing Osama make the world a safer place? I doubt it. Does answering violence with violence reap more violence? You can bet on it. I do believe evil can be defeated without resorting to violence, in fact, it is the only way evil will ultimately be defeated. Defeating evil requires sacrifical love; Christlike love. Would I use lethal force to defend myself? I hope not. I don't think I would be able to take myself seriously as a disciple of Jesus if I would. But for those God has entrusted to my care I would die and, yes, kill for. If Osama desired the death of my family, and let's assume he did, then I would kill him to protect them. I would not kill out of anger, rage, or hatred. I would not celebrate. But I do accept that the protection of my family may one day put me in a situation where I might have to defend them using lethal means. Such things should be done somberly, with prayers to God for forgiveness for doing things that may sometimes seem unavoidable. For these reasons, I withhold as much judgement as I can towards certain governmental and military activity that is genuinely (I hope) done in an effort to provide safety and security to the American citizenry. To completely denounce it would truly make me a hypocrite.

May we pray that the Almighty God have mercy on us all. Let us pray He has mercy on Osama Bin Laden, since surely a God who can mercy on him will have mercy on me. And since I now have demonstrated to you that somewhere in a corner of my heart I am a murderer, you now know how badly I need it.